WOW. ok. i am really very drama. animatic. exaggerated. i am learning to be more attuned to things. (you can do it!)

decided to read a few post from my previous blog and i am stunned but my "irrationality" last year. its really like exclamation marks all the way.

and can you believe i'm saying this about my own self?

went to read the pre BH post again. i can't exactly remember what made me so upset already. i can remember what i am talking about, but am actually wondering why i was that agitated. the one post in particular is really just bow-wow degree. haha. frankly speaking, i can't remember much of what ever unhappiness that had existed during then. like they had been auto deleted. but i still remember the late nights. i miss the one in particular in the LT after the briefing for participants.


and i guess i understand my phobia towards school already. looking back at the BS posts, i can actually still shudder about those days. and it feels really sad looking at them now. that they have to appear to be so torturing and they did exactly feel as such. don't wish to wonder if there are actually more of such teenagers out there that has similar fear.


the thing about going to a new event is people expect you to talk. but i hate the idea when you talk for the sake of talking hence the content is mostly vague and (sorry but) redundant. i rather just observe first, preferably most of the time, and just comment when necessary. unless in desperate situations where by no one wants to talk.


very random. but was thinking that in the future, life should be like when either one needs to unload/relieve/vent the frustrations/unhappiness/accusations the other will be there to understand and listen. but when both are contented/tired, we can enjoy the peace and serenity too. not exactly doing our own things, hopefully will have the kind of time to spare where we can just watch one another doing his/her own things and be thankful and appreciative. knowing what each other is doing. keeping an eye actually yet completing important stuff too and just glad that we have each other's accompaniment in whatever times. just "i'm not alone" idea.


confession: my writing leaves myself in wonderment actually.


i think i actually have things to write. but i haven't been reflective exactly. cause frankly speaking there still has been happening stuff. i actually have more things i want to do in addition to those on the list already.