And now, I'm in need on somewhere to let go of the tension. It's so tiring. I know I don't have much rights to complain, I'm not studying not really working. But why does it feels so suffocating once again. Why can't you ever tell that it's very suffocating. I don't deny I'm in wrong my personality needs to be changed. But I'm still fighting to figure out why am I holding on so tightly. What is it that I am holding onto? Why is it so hard to breathe. Why do my arms ache from the tension when I've barely strummed or my palm ache from a few calligraphy strokes? I'm still figuring out how to peace out with myself, and all you are saying to me is 'why do I always think I'm right?!' Why don't you ever bother to see that I so want to give up?! Aish. Don't even know what to be saying anymore. I'm pretty sure it's due to the influence in seeing how he speaks, so now I speak in this manner, I'm the incorrigible. I'm the problem. I really want to ask, why can't we get him fixed. Why must his whatever-doings be accepted and no matter how ridiculous, be considered right? While my indigent becomes the issue. And I'm the one in the wrong. I don't understand?!! And yet I'm suppose to take it as its right? You want me to be speaking nicely meekly. How? I find the things done ridiculous in the first place...
Save myself. I really wish that by saying just sleep on it, things will get better. But I've realised that its too naive. It won't. And I'm still the one that needs to change. It really hurts that staying at home feels so suffocating. My head has built a mental cage for my mind. **Try harder! Figure out meditation. You can't give up on yourself remember? You have things to be done. Time won't freeze for you. Don't give up hope and have faith in yourself. Try. Try. And try harder. You can do it**
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