20 years of existence.

i've given this post some thought processing time. this is a post i'm dedicating to all of the things, people, events, incidents and activities that existed in the past 20 years of my life. there's a lot to be said, and too many people to be grateful for. as i the clock goes ticking by, i can't help but to feel sad that it's been 20 years.


For events and things. (A rough summary of my transitions through the different phrases I guess)

Birth till primary sch.
The period of time when I had a good kid side. Haha. When I was very easily contented. I had my sis and cousins to play with. Days were very simple. World was simple. I was super active, had tons of bumps here and there. Having a fall was so common that I would just get up and continue playing after that. I'm really really glad that I have this period of time is so so pure.

Primary sch
Lower
I got really ignorant during this period. Life was still considered simple. You wouldn't be able to find me being a studious student. I'll appear to still be bothered by neopets or something when CA/SAs were coming up I think. The world did get a bit more complex. Realising, the various fellow personalities you encounter in peers out there. Things don't necessary go as you like them to anymore. Yet, during this few years, life was still largely happy. Still a happy-go-lucky outlook towards life.

Upper
Through this period, I started getting competitive. Learnt to gradually control my ignorance. Learnt the law of give and take in order to co-exist with others. Started getting tense up. Life started getting tiring, got harder. But in terms of a normal student, I was still like pretty chill, work hard for tuition hw and during tuitions only. Started going for various kinds of lessons for my variety of interests in things. Life got more packed, grey areas appeared since then.

Secondary
Lower
Perhaps this was the time where I got myself position on the top of a snow mountain. Exposed to a completely new territory. Realised how competitive the environment could get. Further developed my habit of being alone. Began to forget what being happy meant. Was tired of making comparison, tired of competitions, tired of not knowing what all my efforts were for. Took a fall from the mountain. Anxiety effects, unhealthy stress on myself became evident. It was a really lonely period.

Upper
There was a shuffle in the group of people I was around. Met like minded people, very genuine and kind souls. Studies were evidently poor, but the life during then is incomparable. Received professional help. Managed to find my grounding, anxiety effects kept under control. Diverted my time into other things, in directly placing myself in tricky situations. Hence, understanding the different sides of human nature. It was during this period that I met with some of the most important and precious people in my life. Their presence made this period really priceless and memorable.

JC (decided to split up given the so many things that happened)
1st year
Yet another transition in environment. However, I did not do well. I joined a club, did all sorts of things. Most for the first time, and perhaps the last. Came across a group of people all with their own unique personalities. We did not hit off well right from the start, but thankfully we managed to come together by the end of the year. After the first quarter of the year, I lost my footing again, this time I tumbled hard. I snowballed all the way till like the year ended. So, it turned out to be a very vague year. I returned to professional help as well. It was a rather frustrating period, filled with self-battles. Thankfully though, for the activities to provide some sort of distraction and having the group of people around. I realised needn't go through things all alone.

2nd year
I managed to regain my footing early in the year. Gradually retreated from my self-denial hideout. Gave academics another attempt. Bonds with the group of people strengthened. Met more new people as well, plenty that I'm grateful for them being part of that period. The year became a new starting point, to be more brave and to accept the fact about needing to face things as they are. The later half of the year turned out to be living hell. I tried the hardest ever in my studies. Yet, anxiety effects was at its full force. At the same time, having a bunch of people that were there for me through it all, having people that believed in me, made me realised that I mattered. The last quarter of the year, was perhaps the changing point in my life. I was forced to reconsider what I want to do with my life. Forced to accept the fact that life likes to screw your plans. Trusting that letting go was a better option, believing that I can stand up again. The period made me grow up a lot.

Life beyond academic institutions
The past 1.5 years have been simple and meaningful. Having the opportunities to gain experience in the f&b industry. Learning what it is like to work in a cake shop. Exposed to more judgements. Yet, life seems to be no longer so depressing. Which I am very thankful for. There's certain stress and demands towards the future, but am more familiar when dealing with fear and uncertainty in life. This period has been a crucial time for transiting and allowing myself to take the step beyond my protected sanctuary. Very grateful for all the encouragements I've received from people that knows me well or otherwise.


While the above is only my first 20 years, there's been highs and lows, I believe in the saying that everything in life happens for a reason. Time will be passing at an even faster speed. Precious people and events are going to be even more precious than before. As a human being, I've had a very fortunate life than most of the population on this planet. The credits definitely goes to the people that I've been surrounded with.

People (I'm not going to be to detailed with this because as much as possible ill try to thank the individuals with a personal note)

Without a doubt my family deserved the most credits. For all the freedom I've been given to take risks, to fall and to try. At the same time, providing me with the comfort and assurance when I'm hurt. For being difficult, so I know that life isn't a journey meant to be easy. For being forgiving when I take things for granted. For letting me have a childhood full of love and joy. So that even when I feel like giving up, I wouldn't.

To the gym mates that were besides me more than anyone else during those few years. For letting me experience how hard it is for a bond to last. For being there with me through the tiring times, the injuries and sweat. For encouraging me to train hard so we would be true to ourselves during competitions. For all those times we have had, as they have been valuable lessons.

To my upper sec classmates and JC club peers. For showing me what friends mean. Lending me your ears, minds and souls when I was in my worst shapes. For all the memories created so that I have a lifetime to treasure them. For letting me know that it really isn't the quantity but the quality. For believing in me whenever I don't have the courage to even do so myself.

To the teachers, instructors, bosses or simply the adults. For teaching me various life values. For all the preachings and naggings because you cared for me. For taking time to explain things to me so that I can put things into perspectives. For sharing with me your life stories so I can be more appreciative of all that I have. For you patience in me, so that I can learn from my mistakes.

To all the seniors, juniors, colleagues and friends (made in other situations). For offering alternative perspectives. For being different so I understand how unique every individual is. For lending me your time when I needed them. For letting me know that I can get along with more people than I think I can. For putting up with me when I'm just trying to get things off my chest and you just happened to be the victim. For treasuring our bond and letting me know that I actually matter.

To all the random people, acquaintances and the stories I've learnt through forms of media. For the brief encounter we've had, allowing me to have small takeaways or even just a very pleasant time. For your personal wisdom or heartfelt moments, so I know that there's so much more to life.

To all the people that gave me a hard time, pissed me off or those that I did not managed to hold on to. For teaching me not to take things for granted. For letting me know that I need to be tougher. For giving me the chance to fall down so I can stand firmer. For hurting me so I know how to protect myself better. For the bad experiences so I won't be as easily pained in the future.

To all that have sacrificed before me. Because of your contributions that I get to enjoy a certain kind of lifestyle.

I know more often than not, my appreciation will not reach all those that I'm thankful towards. So if you do come across this by chance, I hope you do know that whether you had been good or bad to me, you've meant something. If you've enjoyed the relationship we've had, then I hope that the relationship will continue to last. If otherwise, then I wish you all the best in your life.

Thank you for everything. (: