right. i know the photo captions aren't done up properly yet. i'll be frank, i'm feeling lazy with that for now. i'll just like to review on the trip first. so, i didn't understand it myself at first too. why i wasn't all that upbeat about going tourist attractions in paris and going to them to take photos. but when i got back to paris the 2nd time and explored more places. i now do.

my purpose of going all the way there, besides the application was also to allow myself to figure out if i'll be able to survive in the city if i get into the school and have to go there and live on my own for the next 1-2 years. hence, being touristy really wasn't part of my agenda. though, i am really very slow in figuring out myself. HAHA. like i already had the idea that i'm there to figure out if i'll be okay on my own in that city, yet like i didn't know know that when i first got there. no idea if you guys can decipher my words, but its just something like the heart knew what's going on but not the mind.

though it'll be difficult without people that i can behave freely with. it may get tiring in the first few months needing to guard against my surroundings. not getting to use much of chinese. needing to figure out french. and the city's unique yet not so friendly landscape... plus not talking a lot i think. (at least while i was in paris, i think i've used the least amount of saliva in a very long time.) but maybe the solitude will do me good and aid me in planning, whatsoever and etc. plus the lack of chinese food...

i just know that once i get the confirmation, i'll need to work hard on documenting the homemade food i like so that i won't feel miserable from missing them too badly when i'm there.

no matter the challenges or difficulties i'll have to deal with as part of wanting to do the course, PLEASE LET ME GET IT! i'm like thinking of this same thing like up to 10 times a day. wake up think of it. travelling think of it. meal times, bathing, before sleeping. everytime my head is clear for a second i'll pray that i get it. i really really would like this to work out.

then i can figure out how to plan such that i'll be able to let my mum have a better life in 3 years time... (this is why i don't want to have kids at an old age...) its actually pretty upsetting that she's getting old and i am still unable to provide for myself and for her...

so. really, just going there to check things out. walking around wasn't hard. i'm really thankful for being such a daring kid, having little fears towards self-adventures and travelling. i'm also thankful that i didn't exactly meet any baddies and i didn't have to deal with pickpockets or thief. i'm grateful to all the nice random people that bothered to spare me their time and guide me in finding my way around. i just wish to built up myself more from now on to prepare for what's ahead. (PLEASE ACCEPT MY APPLICATION!)