thought it would be a good idea to note down a the last dinner of 2022 with T. i consider it as a fairly nice closing for the friendship thus far in 2022. And that it has paved way for a more comfortable relationship in 2023.
it has been an oddly timely encounter and unusual development of friendship-companionship. got to try a number of things which i otherwise would have missed out on, in the ordinary life of my own. got to learn more about myself and how certain actions/behaviours/characteristics of mine are seen as in the eyes of a new contact.
there has been i would say more +s than -s uncovered through this journey. but one of them is rather difficult to pinpoint as a pure + or -. let's say it has been a painful discovery, acknowledging to myself almost feels like tearing away the band-aid i have stuck on an open wound and spamming salt/saltwater on it.
as I have been told, i have this self-protecting mechanism where i will just hide certain feelings away. and for the longest time, i have self-trained to ignore how i 'dislike'(?) the life alone, or how much i miss the life of having 7 around it seems.
these days it feels exceptionally hard. is it winter? is it hormonal? is it the time-ticking pressure? or worst still cause i allow multiple of them to lump together...
as many have said to me as their wishes for me. I too sincerely wish canada will work out very soon, and please please please LDR can end very soon. *fingers and toes crossed*
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