)':

maybe its really friday the 13th for me.

not sure to be feeling sad or not right now. i haven't decided how i want to be feeling.

when i found out all the prep i went through for the application, and got rejected still. i had a strong urge to cry. cause my plans are all for naught again.

at the same time i was questioning why i was rejected. seriously if its because of the stupid condition i had before... i can't get anymore pissed off. its discrimination! SERIOUSLY! how many people in singapore, how many singaporeans will stay clean of depression in their entire lifetime? even my youngest cousin has developed stress towards school that reflects on this physical well-being! just because i had it means that i'm subjected to being rejected by you guys?!

I WILL OVERCOME THIS STUPID HURDLE AND PROVE MYSELF!

is my tolerance for jc too low... it really sucks not being able to get out of this sandpit. I KNOW WHERE I WANT TO GET TO, I AM WILLING TO WORK THE HARDEST I NEED TO BE. but everyone is just damn judgmental... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i really hate this. just because i can't live and really i have no idea if i can return to an environment with a theory loaded life must make me look abnormal?

PISSED OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

i need to vent. rejection sucks. plans being thawed sucks. future temporary stalled/jeopardized sucks. i was actually hoping for a great weekend after receiving good news. but now that's all burst. i need some hope again.

i don't know if i need to be sad or not... but i am sad. i hate to talk about what has passed. and i would like to think that i am strong, yet... i'm not given the confidence to do so yet.

i would love to have the money to be a trainee in europe or us. i may have a higher chance to succeeding faster in that way before any judgmental school is willing to accept me. being scolded is alright. putting up with attitudes is alright too. because all those will past, so long i'm being trained. but without being given any chance... kill me. when will the doors open for me. help.